Sex is God’s Domain

There is often no talk, discussion, or mention of sex around Christian circles or churches.  Why?  Perhaps it’s because we think sex is not part of God’s domain.  Perhaps we think Satan has authority over sex, because after all isn’t it just an animal desire and nothing more?  No.  This could not be further from the truth.  Sex is God’s Domain.  Although we do know that sex is only to be in marriage (Heb. 13:4, 1 Cor. 7) it seems that Christians rarely know much more.  We Christians ought to be talking about sex, especially in our churches, if we are to have a right view of it.  There are 5 assumptions Christians uncritically accept from the world about what sex is and what it’s for.

Assumption 1 –  The world says sexuality is only for self and getting others to meet your own needs. Is this right?  No.  Sex is part of God’s domain not Satan’s.  It teaches us about how we relate to one another.  We can either manipulate people to meet our needs, or can go out of our way to meet the needs of our spouse.  Why did God design men to be ready for sex quickly while women need 13-15 minutes to get ready?  Perhaps it is because God wants us to be concerned our spouse before ourself.  Sex teaches us to minister to our spouse, therefore we ought not to manipulate to get our way.  This is what a covenant is isn’t?  I’ll do my part whether you do your part or not.  When both husband and wife come to the marriage bed with this desire, you see the gospel.  This is the picture of sex within marriage in the Bible, to give not to get.

Assumption 2- The world says sex is uncontrollable. Is this right?  No.  If you hold this view than you believe man is nothing more than a higher form of animal.  This is wrong.  Man is not a higher form of animal, man is the highest pinnacle of creation.  Proverbs has a huge chunk about sex in it, and it not only says that sex can be controlled, it says that it must be controlled (see Prov. 5-7).

Assumption 3- The world says sex has no meaning, it’s just sex, it’s just physical. Is this right?  No.  Sex has a God-given purpose, to show the gospel, because your giving rather than getting!  If your honest with yourself, we all know that the consequences of sex go very deep in us.  Therefore, sex is never just about sex.

Assumption 4- The world says good sex just happens. Is this right?  No.  Good sex is about communication, intimacy, and vulnerability.  It takes about 5-6 years of warm up in a marriage to create good sex.  It requires gentleness and kindness, rather than animal instinct and selfish desire.  One reason God designed sex within marriage is that we would not learn it well at first.  There is a clumsiness and awkwardness that comes at first.  Why did God make it this way?  Perhaps He did so in order to give us a chance to be patient, kind, and gentle, to live out the gospel in our marriages.

Assumption 5- The world says the goal of sex is orgasm. Is this right?  No.  The goal of sex is intimacy.  Think about it, when the goal of sex is orgasm (which is great and has its place within marriage) the issue in sex becomes performance.  This pressure and stress has no place in the marriage bed.  When the goal of sex is intimacy the issue (JOY!) in sex becomes enjoying one another.

Sex is not just about sex, I hope you’ve seen that sex says far more about the gospel than most realize.

(These points were given by Dr. Jim Coffield in my Pastoral Counseling class)

The Foundation of Marriage – Psalm 103:10

Paul says that marriage is a picture of the gospel in Ephesians 5:21-33.  Most people read this, and think, “Okay, the husband is love his wife as Christ loved the Church, and the wife is to submit to the husband because he is the head of the marriage, just as Christ is the Head of the body, the Church.”  This is great, but it’s not where we end.  When Paul says that men are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, he means to get our marriages centered around one massive truth.  What truth?

The truth found in Psalm 103:10, “He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.”  This is how Christ loves us, He does not treat us as our sins deserve.  Do you see the foundation for marriage (and all relationships)?  Men, if you want to love your wives as Christ loved the Church, do not treat your wife as her sins deserve.  Rather, when she sins against you, and sin she will, remember what Jesus did for you and give her what she needs most even though she deserves it the least.

David Powlison on Marital Intimacy

Thank You Holly

Holly and I have been married for almost two years now and I feel an overwhelming thankfulness to her everyday for many reasons, two of which stand out over the others. First, she works harder than anyone I know, laboring at a full-time job to put me through seminary. It is taxing on her, yet she is sacrificing for our joy. Second, she probably more than any other person, feels the weight, force, and brunt of my sin, and yet she stays with me.

Thank you Holly for not treating me as my sins deserve.  I love you.